INDUBITABLY

John 20:19-31, Easter 2C
Rev. Dr. Mary Lou Howson

April 11, 2010

Sometimes over 2,000 years after we forget what it must have been like for the first disciples. So let us begin to imagine what it might have been like for the eleven men locked in that upper room.
Resurrection had never happened before. For them death was death – over and done with. It was the end. "All Christ's promises had proved to be only cheating words. The Master to whom they had pinned their faith and for whom they had risked everything had proven to be, if not an impostor, at least woefully and miserably self-deceived. The wonderful hope he had awakened in them had come to absolutely nothing. All they had were mocking memories that would jeer at them down through the years." (IB, John, 796) He hadn't been able to do anything except die as a criminal– in the most agonizing and humiliating way.
How could they have been so misled? They had risked so much for this man whom they loved. Was he a charlatan, a high-powered huckster, or just a misguided and deluded fool? It looked as if everything they had thought they understood about God had been a joke or a hoax. Maybe God was laughing at them, too. Everyone else certainly was – except for those who might still want to kill them.
At any rate, God was silent. How could any decent God allow such suffering and injustice? Was it that God didn't care or was God just powerless? Or maybe Jesus really was serving the powers of death? What kind of God is this that just swallowed them up in a chasm of silence?
And yet he had been their friend. That much, at least, was certain. And when he had needed them the most, they had all run away in fear and confusion. In fact, they were still hiding. They hadn't been able to stand for friendship, honor, or justice. What kind of men were they?
Then Mary had appeared this morning with her idle tale of angels and gardeners and babbling that he was no longer dead. She was actually offended that they didn't believe that a dead man had come back to life. Well, like so many women, she had always been a bit overly emotional.
So they sat there. They doubted their judgment. They doubted their friend. They doubted Mary. And they doubted God – who must be sitting up there laughing at them for being such fools. And they were ashamed of their own faithlessness and cowardice. For in modern parlance, "When the going got tough, they turned chicken and hightailed it to safety." They didn't feel worth much of anything. And they were ashamed.
Right through the walls of this gloom and doubt, into the very midst of their fear, confusion, and recriminations, Jesus appeared, saying, Peace be with you. He showed them his hands and side and breathed upon them the Holy Spirit saying, As the Father has sent me, so I send you. They had betrayed him and he forgave them. In fact, he still trusted them - he commissioned them to continue his work even before they understood what it was and while they were still too afraid to do anything but hide.
Now there are some amazing aspects of this story to which I want you to pay attention. First of all, they had been absolutely faithless – overcome with doubt and fear, they had failed completely. Yet Jesus came to them anyway. He didn't castigate or chastise them. In fact, he didn't even mention their failures. Rather, he greeted them by offering them peace in the midst of their shame and showing them his wounds so that their doubts might be quelled. Then he commissioned them and sent them out in his name. These disastrous, uncomprehending, untrusting cowards, who have not only royally messed up but have also personally betrayed him, are sent out to try again.
This is a message of incredible grace for any of us who have ever been afraid, doubted, cheated, lied, hurt someone else either intentionally or unintentionally, been untrue to what we really believe, or just simply made a hash of things.
This level of forgiveness is hard for us to comprehend. God comes right into the middle of our failures and offers us another chance. God believes in us more than we believe in ourselves.
And the disciples must have had as much trouble comprehending this as we do. Because we know that for the next week they didn't really do anything but sit in that room, moping around and trying to stay safe. They told Thomas (the only one who hadn't been there that night) what had happened but in such a way that it wasn't believable – because their belief did not yet have any power. It hadn't changed their lives – in fact, they seemed more confused than ever. Belief which is invisible in our lives does not attract others. No wonder Thomas didn't believe them. After all, dead people do not come back from the grave. Hence his words, Unless I put my finger in the mark of the nails, and my hand in his side, I will not believe.
Thus it was that a week later, the risen Christ came to Thomas who was still struggling with gnawing doubts. He does not berate Thomas for his bravado or his skepticism, any more than he berated the other disciples. He simply says, Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side; do not be faithless, but believing. But Thomas had seen enough. Immediately he responded, My Lord and my God! He is the first one to comprehend, believe, and proclaim. He recognizes at once that everything is now different. He sees with spiritual sight and we know that his life was never the same.
Too few of us are like Thomas – honest, rigorous, and open minded. All too often we think that having doubts or not understanding somehow disqualifies us when exactly the opposite is the case. Every honest seeker has doubts. The issue is not that we have doubts, but rather what we do with those doubts. For doubts, as such, are not an obstacle to faith but rather a doorway. When I was in seminary, it was common for us to be told that we had to learn to "stand in the question." Doubt and faith are two sides of the same coin. The only faith that doesn't doubt is dead faith. Our faith grows out of our doubts – if we just stand in the question and wait for God.
Notice in this story that there was nothing Thomas could do to overcome his own doubt. All he could do was to acknowledge it and stand attentively in the question rather than running from it or stepping out of relationship with God. God is the one who offers us what we need in order to believe. But we will never receive that gift if we are not faithful to the doubt. When that gift is given – as when Jesus came to Thomas and said, "Touch my wounds," then that very doubt becomes a source of incredible new life - life comes out of death.
Because Thomas' mind and heart were open, he recognized the Christ when he came to him. Catch my point here – he knew not only that it was Jesus, as the other disciples knew, but that he was the Christ. Thomas may not yet have understood it all. But suddenly, he knew that whether we live or die we are God's, that nothing can separate us from God's love, and that death was overcome. My Lord and my God! AMEN

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